Signs You Might be Body Shaming Yourself and How to Stop.

Body shaming has become a hot topic in a culture that praises beauty as the pinnacle of femininity. Because we are constantly bombarded with images of the cultural expectation for beauty and femininity we can easily fall prey to the trap of body shaming ourselves without even recognizing it. These false depictions our culture esteems are not the reality of true beauty. Undoubtedly these photographs and videos have been edited and filtered to appear perfect and blemish free. Professional photographers know how to find the best angle and have software that allows them to manipulate and enhance these images.

Cultural Images

Do you really want to look like the images that Hollywood and media constantly shove in our faces? If we all looked like the plastic versions of ourselves we wouldn’t be real women.

It is not a fair comparison and we must stop looking to this cultural norm of beauty and femininity to define who we are as women. Here are some identifiers that you may be sending yourself messages of shame that you would never speak over a friend or loved one.

Critical or Negative Comments

Do you often find yourself making critical or negative comments about your body?

I’m too tall. Why do I have to be so short? My hips are huge!

I have no shape to my body. I’m so fat! I hate the way I look.

If we are not careful, we can quickly fall into the trap of speaking out critical thoughts over ourselves eventually affecting our feelings about ourselves and our actions toward ourselves. We will begin to view ourselves through a faulty lens and live our lives accordingly.

Would you say any of the things you say about yourself to a friend? Most of us would not and our friends would not say these things to us either. We must counter these critical or negative thoughts before we start speaking them out. If we overheard our friend saying these critical things about themselves what would we say to them? Or even better, if we heard someone else drive a cutting remark about our friend’s body or our daughter’s body what would we say or do?

I can only imagine the ferocity of my reply to someone who would dare to be so nervy.

If we would push back against the demeaning criticism of body shaming in regards to a friend or our daughter why would we not push back against the tendency to body shame ourselves? We must speak life over ourselves the same as we would those we care about. What we continually speak over our own life will eventually become our truth and reality.

Comparison is a trap

Do you fall into the comparison trap? Are you consistently looking around at other women, comparing your body to theirs despite no real evidence or facts to hold up a case as to why you should look like them?

There is no good way to make a fair comparison when looking at others. Continually body shaming ourselves rather than considering the diverse factors that make up the population of women around us leaves us with an unhealthy perspective. Until we consider our own story and reflect upon all the possibilities that make us who we are we will never fully accept ourselves and embrace our unique design. There are a number of components that influence our body image and composition. How old are you? Have you had children? How many and how close in age? What was your upbringing like? Did you have trauma in your past? Have you held a stressful position at work? What level of education and income did your grandparents and parents hold? Many factors can impact our life experience and how our body has been shaped.

Some women would surely give up certain life experiences for a perfect body.

But what if we lost who we are in the process?

Wouldn’t you rather be YOU and have your life story along with a healthy but imperfect body? More often than not, our view of beauty is skewed by society and we fail to recognize scars and wrinkles as part of our beauty and who we are. Each scar, wrinkle, and stretch mark tells a story about who we are and how we found our way to right now. When we view ourselves through the lens of shame, we detract from the uniqueness of our own story.

Don’t wish away your life experiences for an impossible mirage of perfection.

Quit comparing yourself to the other women in your life. Celebrate their successes and let them celebrate yours. Let’s be ourselves and know that we all reflect different facets of beauty to the world we impact. And please stop comparing yourself to a false depiction that can never replace true beauty.

Continually Isolating

Do you find yourself pulling away from group gatherings or activities that you used to enjoy because you don’t like the way your body looks in your clothes? Are you are tired of feeling less than other people around you? Once we’ve established a strong habit of comparison and body shaming we can develop a self protecting wall of isolation. In isolation we can be ourselves without feeling the critical eyes of those around us. We can wear the comfortable clothes without the feeling of not measuring up to our other more “put together” friends.

Maybe we don’t want the accountability of being around others who may challenge our ideas about ourself. We can eat what we want and think what we want when we are in an isolated environment with no body to tell us we are wrong. But what if our decision to isolate is enabling our poor choices? What if isolation is keeping us from the very encouragement and friendship we need when we are feeling our weakest? Just maybe our friends will step up to the challenge of loving us where we are and not pass judgment, but instead sit with us in the trench of defeat.

In order to step into something different you must be willing to step out of isolation and let others join you on your journey to true health. Let others who are on the same journey come alongside you and help you construct a better narrative. Community can certainly play a vital role in helping one establish a new path and find victory through the process of making lasting change.

Construct a new narrative

In order to overcome a harmful mindset such as body shaming you absolutely must rewrite the narrative you’ve been rehearsing to yourself. Think back through your life and see how your story has played out. In doing so you will find many positives strewn throughout some poor choices and moments of defeat. You must look beyond the defeats and instead gather together the winning moments, the precious memories, the growth and times of learning as you would a beautiful bouquet. Look beyond your body to the story of you.

There is unbelievable power in your story. Putting forth the effort to reflect on your story and craft a narrative that is unique to you, will enable you to step out of the current chapter and work toward shaping the next. You don’t have to stay where you are. You have an opportunity for growth despite your circumstances. Here are some things to commit to doing when choosing to change your critical attitude toward yourself.

• Find community. Surround yourself with friends who will encourage you and challenge you to be better.

• Look at your strengths. What can you do? Consider body functionality. Practice gratitude. It is impossible to fall into entitlement and self-pity when you are full of gratitude.

• Be compassionate toward yourself. Reframe your thoughts about yourself. Speak life over yourself and your situation.

• Take time for yourself. Create moments for positive body movement. Spend time in nature. Prioritize self care.

• Consider your influences. Who are you allowing to speak into your life? Who are you watching and following? Social media and culture can create an unhealthy influence if we do not guard our inlets.

By applying these strategies you will be become more confident in your journey. Being able to live free of your own judgement and comparison to others around you will create a sense of joy and accomplishment allowing you to set and reach goals. As you build on and engage in these positive outlooks and activities you will begin to love who you are becoming. You will begin to see growth and wholeness where there was once shame and defeat. Living a life of freedom from shame is where you will find purpose to move forward as the person you were designed to be and live confidently in your own skin. As you choose freedom over shame you will begin to experience joy in the everyday moments and experience the abundant life for which you were made.